Happy New Year 2025!
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When the ball drops, I'm dropping all the "balls of accountability" for others' shortcomings and behavior I've been carrying, and I'd love for us all - especially those of us who have been marginalized simply because of who we are - to embrace this message in the coming new year.
This conversation ties in directly to previous articles around accountability. When we examine how social norms dictate that people walk on eggshells and assimilate to a culture decided by a small group of people, the vast majority of people- who may not align with these ideals in one or many ways - are shamed, abused, marginalized and scared into assimilation- under the guise of "it's best for the group" or "these are the rules we all need to follow" and other rhetoric meant to minimize resistance.
Someone who simply exists differently is not a threat to be managed or a problem to be solved- they are human beings (and we'll include our feathered, furry, and scaly friends here too) who have a right to just BE - without having to explain or deny parts of themselves that others devalue or don't understand.
Our society has been built to make it easy for people to avoid owning their beliefs and behaviors by way of social norms- which we're told exist to keep order and peace, but in reality, they simply maintain a status quo that benefits just a few. The things we should take accountability for as a society, in order to better it, have somehow become the things that society says we should not do:
Don't rock the boat, people will get upset (...as they should be about social atrocities.... but hey)
Don't speak up about wrongdoing- you're just causing more problems and bringing drama
Don't think you can change anything; it's a waste of time (and labelling changemakers as the problem)
Don't stand up for others- it's their own problem to solve (allowing people to be isolated and abused further)
Don't stand out, just try to fit in (into a system that is inherently designed against you)
Don't wear things or say things that others don't like- you'll cause yourself trouble (as if it's OK to abuse others because of these trivial things)
.....and many others
When did we learn to just accept this as the way to be? And why is it hard for us to acknowledge that these mindsets (and others) are what is denigrating society as we speak?
My Existence is Not Offensive
In 2025 and beyond, I declare for myself:
My locs not offensive, dirty, "unkept", or unprofessional
My dark skin is not offensive
My features are not offensive
My intellect is not offensive, and will not be "toned down" to accommodate you
My height is not offensive; I'm not intimidating, you're intimidated
My thirst for justice is not offensive; your lack of courage is though
My questioning of things is not offensive
I'm not offensive, you're offended. Let's normalize understanding the difference.
If you are offended by the mere existence of someone who is different from you (with the obvious caveat that they are not causing harm to anyone or anything else directly or indirectly), then it is your accountability to manage your own emotions, think about what beliefs and values you hold that would cause you to become offended, and most importantly it is your responsibility to ensure your beliefs and actions do not cause harm or influence others to harm those who you feel offended by.
Own your own emotions and find positive outlets to deal with your cognitive dissonance.
In the same light, we all have to be accountable for our own healing. The more we heal, the better we are able to invest in our mental, emotional and social health and focus on solutions that will support our well-being in both the short and long term.
Who we are is a state of being; what we do are our actions, and these (regardless of if they are the result of who we are or not) are what we need to be accountable (and hold others accountable) for.
Putting This into Practice in the New Year and Beyond
And just so you know- this mindset can and will be used against you when you advocate for and defend yourself and others ("John is the nicest guy I've met. Maybe you're just triggered/bitter; he's not racist, you're just offended!").
To which, my suggested response is: (unbothered-ly) "Well, I've noticed John behaves differently when interacting with you and others than he does interacting with me- so either John is disingenuous with you, or he is with me. Which is more likely?" (Accountability has to be taken at this point, especially if you produce concrete examples of his behaviors).
And if not (since we know people will move mountains to avoid accountability) at the very least you are now clear on where they and the people around you/organization stand, so move accordingly to protect your mental and emotional health. Don't believe the fake smiles and promises of resolution- believe actions.
Your turn! Add your declarations for the New Year in the comments below- I'd love to read them!
Hi! I'm Nicole, an organizational consultant and personal coach, who is passionate about inspiring the changes our society needs for all to thrive. Using lessons learned from my own experiences and challenges, I hope to help people within organizations by creating mentally, socially, and emotionally healthy workplaces for all. Check out the other resources on this site for more ways to do just that!
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