There are typically two types of people in the workplace:
those action-oriented "busy bodies" who need to do, do, and do more and are upset by others who aren't as fanatic as they are...and...
those of us left to pick up the carnage from what they've done :)
OK, I may be being a little dramatic, but there is some truth to my words.
Have you ever noticed that the "busy body" types become annoyed or upset when you don't do something they wanted you to do, but never communicated? Or when they are deep into action mode, and you aren't matching their energy?
Or, there are other times where your manager or coworkers feel you should "just know" something that they've never told you and become indignant when you don't see things quite in the same ways they do, and don't take the same actions they feel are the "right" thing to do?
Now, I know I may experience this a bit more than the average person, since I'm neurodivergent, and this is just kind of how things work for us, lol. A lose-lose, if you will.
But, I've also heard my neurotypical friends complain of similar woes and become frustrated at the unspoken expectations that can have huge impacts on their career success. Busy body types want people to feel like they do, think like they do, and work like they do- and they feel like others should just know this, and anticipate their needs accordingly. People who don't (intentionally or not) anticipate their needs can be labelled as lazy, rude, difficult or incompetent-which can stifle career progress, ruin reputations, and cause all levels of misery in the workplace.
When your focus is on trying to control people and situations, versus collaboration and influence, you may fall into the trap of becoming upset when others don't act and think as you do. No judgement here- I think many of us (especially if you've been trained in management) have been taught to "align" others to your expectations (which is just code for expect them to do things as you would). In some cases of very specialized roles, and in roles where safety is of concern, then it makes total sense to have very narrow and specific expectations of the people you work with.
However, this only makes sense in the event you actually communicate those expectations. Otherwise, having the expectation that others mind-read you is asking for your expectations not to be met. And why would they be? You never made them explicit in the first place, right? Seems logical. The huge time and energy drain that naturally comes with dancing around your needs, hoping others will just "get it", and expecting others to think and act as you would negatively impacts productivity in the workplace- if I were to conduct actual research, I'd say this has to be at least a top three productivity killer. Why do we continue to deal with this?
Well, socialization. We put up with it, because we all learn that we "should". After all, those busy bodies are often looked at as "take charge" people who get results. And when they do get results, their behavior is excused because of their immense value (that is perceived versus actual) to the organization. In their minds, the trail of chaos and strained relationships they may leave in the wake of obtaining those results isn't theirs to deal with, and it's the rest of us who are left picking up the pieces and making things actually work out in the background. I'm tired just from describing all of that.
5 Tips to Deal with Workplace "Busy Bodies"
So, let's get to the tips- how should you deal with your office "busy bodies"?
Have the courage to push back: These types can be pushy and use their state of constant urgency to try to mow you over. Be stern, yet professional in pushing back on requests to jump into action unnecessarily. Slow down the pace of conversation using pauses, or by asking more thoughtful questions that will help paint the bigger picture. If your workplace busy body isn't malicious, this can help them slow down, and help you collaborate better to reach shared goals. If your workplace busy body is malicious, they will not care and will continue to push.
Ask for clarity and direct communication/feedback: If step one isn't successful, you'll find that your office busy body will begin to drop hints or give vague directions in hopes that you'll "figure it out" what they really need on your own. If you're asked to do something new, or something that hasn't been clearly defined before, ask for clarity, and keep digging until you get it. If you're given a vague response to your initial questions, probe further. As you are working, frequently check-in and ask for feedback.
This will annoy your busy body, since spending time aligning and clarifying doesn't look busy enough, and they will see it as a waste of time. You can explain that clarifying this information will help you produce better results in the end. Asking "why" questions is also good here, as it forces the busy body to really think about their actions (or at least will help you see through the chaos and see their true motivations). If when asking you're given information that doesn't line up, offer suggestions on how else the tasks might be accomplished. The goal is to slow them down to help them see how their actions may be doing more harm than good.
Set boundaries around your time and attention: Nevermind having your own tasks and duties- these types want what's important to them to be important to you too, at the expense of your own work product and sanity. It's always great to help out coworkers when you have the bandwidth- but when you don't, don't be pressured into the fabricated chaos of your office busy body, especially when you know it's self-inflicted. Be firm with your boundaries and offer suggestions on different approaches. For example. you may say "Patti, I'm unable to tackle that right this second, and it may be best to wait a week or two, because [insert reason]. How about that?" Or if it's your boss pulling you in multiple directions, you can say something like, "Right now, I'm focused on [X,Y,Z]. I can take a look at [A] but that will mean putting aside [X,Y] for now. Are you OK with that?" You do not need to engage in the chaos.
Be aware of the traps they set: I've noticed that these types like to "test" others, to see if they would have the same response as they would to situations they set up. Again, they like to see others just as frazzled and chaotic as they are, so they can sometimes manufacture situations, sit back, and watch as others fall into the traps- scrambling and feeling confused as to what is really happening. So, what do you do? You can't control others' behavior, so they're going to behave as they do. What you can do is reinforce the first three bullets, especially the asking for clarity and details. The more you dig, the more it'll become clear to you that this is a setup, or at least that something doesn't add up. Their story will eventually fall apart, and it'll become harder for them to keep their lies straight. Remember, they can't see outside themselves, so they think (and hope) you'll respond as they do by jumping into action- running in circles and fueling their need to see you and others in chaos.
Many "urgent" situations in the workplace are not really urgent and have more to do with social or organizational politics than actual work quality or output. So, don't let busy bodies threaten you or make you feel bad for not joining the chaos of "doing things just to do them". These are often social plays for status, recognition, or a roundabout way to measure how you work- because simply asking you would just make too much sense, right?
The more measured and intentional you are about where to focus your energy, the more control you have over your mental and emotional health and well-being at work.
Do you have office busy bodies? What tips have worked for you? Share your thoughts in the comments!
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Hi! I'm Nicole, an organizational consultant and personal coach, who is passionate about inspiring the changes our society needs for all to thrive. Using lessons learned from my own experiences and challenges, I hope to help people within organizations by creating mentally, socially, and emotionally healthy workplaces for all. Check out the other resources on this site for more ways to do just that!
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