Bullying has been a part of organizational culture for decades. Only in recent years, with the popularity of social media and increased visibility of cyber-bullying, workplace mobbing, and harassment, has bullying become a hot topic. According to a monster.com study (referenced in this article), the EEOC has received 82,847 complaints in the last five years, 61% of people in America are aware of abusive behaviors at work, 60% of American employers reacted negatively after receiving reports of bullying in their workplace, and 55% of HR professionals don't know if their companies have workplace violence policies. Yikes!
As with other social issues such as racism or sexism, programs tailored to address bullying concerns typically fail due to the lack of focus on the underlying causes. There isn’t a way to legislate away bullying behavior since its source is psychological, emotional, and social - and is rooted in a person's character.
Building emotional awareness and awareness of the social forces that encourage and perpetuate bullying behaviors is a more holistic way of addressing the issue- but where do we start?
Taking a look at the social systems in place that allow bullying behavior to persist is a great start. We tend to assume that the problem lies with the individuals (victim and bully) - but this isn't an entirely accurate assumption to make. It's a way for us to attribute negative behaviors and outcomes to something surface level that we can see, which prevents us from digger deeper to find root causes.
Our social systems create the contexts in which bullying is allowed to flourish. Our shared beliefs, social relations, social characteristics, along with workplace politics and culture, policies, and norms all work together to reinforce hierarchies that cause us to judge others according to how they fit into those ideals.
For example, our workplace peers play a huge role in our experience. What is considered cool, normal, or "right" are all determined by this group of peers. Often, someone's performance or value isn't determined by the skill set they bring, but by their conformance with these agreed upon norms. Additionally, bullies tend to bully in front of others to reinforce their own status within the system.
Since bullying behavior has been normalized by adults ("kids will be kids"), the message that bullying is wrong isn't clearly communicated on a social and emotional level. Intellectually, we hear the words; but socially we continue to reward and reinforce bullying behaviors- even glorifying them at times.
Targets are often just told to "stand up for yourself" or that they "let things happen". While there are many healthy ways to advocate for oneself, having to expend countless amounts of energy redirecting a bad apple's behavior isn't one of them. In fact, this is usually what the bully wants, which is simply an attention drain on the target individual, and not productive in resolving the issue.
So please, stop telling victims to "tell the bully to stop". I assure you- if that worked, we wouldn't have to have this conversation! Bullies see nothing wrong with their behavior and could perhaps feel justified in their behavior (feeling as though the victim deserves it); whereas the victim many times internalizes this behavior as something being wrong with them. As mentioned earlier, often bullying is a character issue of the bully, not a defect of the victim. In fact, victims are often high performers and persons who work with integrity, empathy, and skill- which triggers the bully's response.
This is often overlooked or dismissed by leaders as a root cause, typically because the bully is socially popular, the leader doesn't like or is also threatened by the victim, or due to social pressures from others within the organization, which creates a conflict of interest and highlights the secondary real cause of bullying at work- inadequate leadership.
Now that we've identified the real issue, we can begin to devise solutions that address those real issues. Disciplinary systems within schools and workplaces (which operate similarly) tend to punish the victim, especially if the victim lashes back out, which can reinforce negative emotions for victims and reinforce bullying behaviors. How many times have you witnessed bullying behavior in a meeting or group setting, in which the leader said nothing (or worse yet, joined in)? The systems are broken because many of those leading the charge either do not have the skill to really manage negative behaviors, or they themselves are bullies and benefit from the victimizing of others. This piece of the puzzle needs to be addressed in order for any workplace anti-bullying initiative is successful.
Possible Solutions & Starting Points
An area of investment for leadership development should be in teaching leaders to pay attention to the subtleties of bullying behavior and offer support and suggestions to victims on how to navigate their emotions. Leaders can also learn to address such behaviors in the moment to set expectations and to teach bullies that their behavior is unwelcome. As a leader, one of the fastest ways to lose an employee's trust and respect is to standby while their colleagues abuse them. It is up to you to provide a safe workplace for all of your employees, regardless of their place within a status quo.
Leaders can also offer emotional support to the bully- often both victim and bully are in need of some sort of support, and offering this to bullies can help them handle their aggression more productively. In addition, bullies (regardless of who they know, their status, race, religion or any other factor) need to be held accountable for their behavior- no exceptions. Not doing so can cost not only in monetary, or organizational terms, but more importantly can cost the health and well-being of your employees.
Summary
Let's begin to challenge current norms and help our colleagues and employees challenge them as well in order to inspire the next generation of workers with values and behaviors that support sustaining healthy workplaces. One way leaders can do this is by investing in building emotional intelligence and emotional management skills in our employees. By building self-efficacy (the ability to believe in your own abilities), self-awareness (to better understand how your actions affect others), self-control (to manage negative impulses) and empathy (to understand how others feel) we can manage bullying behaviors from a deeper level and create transformational change across our organizations and society as a whole.
When you notice bullying behavior, what is your response? Does it depend on the person being bullied? Or who the bully may be?
If you're a leader: If a member of your staff tells you they are being victimized, how do you respond? Do you protect and make excuses for the bully? Are you courageous enough to follow through with disciplinary actions when needed?
HR departments: What policies are in place to protect employees from bullying and mobbing in the workplace? Are the policies upheld across the board, or are exceptions made based on who the bully is? What prevents victims from getting the support and help they need in your workplace?
Hi! I'm Nicole, an organizational consultant and personal coach, who is passionate about inspiring the changes our society needs for all to thrive. Using lessons learned from my own experiences and challenges, I hope to help people within organizations by creating mentally, socially, and emotionally healthy workplaces for all. Check out the other resources on this site for more ways to do just that!
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