Bullying & the Undercover Workplace

Workplace bullying and mobbing are so pervasive in today's corporate environments, many people have just come to accept it as part of the status quo- normalized behavior thousands of people have to deal with simply to operate within this system and support their families.

The next few articles will be a series to deep dive into workplace bullying and mobbing- not simply to discuss the surface level things we see online all the time, but to really dig deep into how and why these exist- the purpose they serve, and the more covert ways that bullying occurs in the workplace.

First Things First

This Paradigm Shifts article listed some things we must accept about our current reality - in the workplace and in society - before we are able to move forward with identifying solid solutions to workplace bullying. I've relisted them (with a couple of additions) here:

• Here in the U.S., we are generally a conflict - avoidant society (despite what your college textbooks might tell you...) due to norms around political correctness, strong tendency towards conformity, and organizational politics. Therefore, we are unable to talk about pressing issues in whole or in part, due to the fear of being uncomfortable, hurting feelings, being ostracized for upsetting the status quo, and/or not knowing what to expect.

• Most people live and work with a degree of fear of others. This deeply rooted fear is a barrier to being able to really dig deep into the root of our issues in the workplace.

• There are character-disturbed people within our working environments… all of them. Yours too. If, for the sake of nicety and political correctness we continue to ignore this fact, all training, policy, and efforts to revamp culture will fail. To add complexity to this, many of these individuals are in leadership positions. 

• Our social climate encourages bullying behavior and seems to put it on a pedestal. If you don't like how someone lives their life, throw insults, restrict their opportunities, beat them into submission. If you don't respect someone, for whatever your reason, it's "ok" to treat them with disdain. Only people who align with how you think and feel deserve respect- all others deserve any negative treatment given to them. All of these ways of thinking are not only accepted but celebrated in many cases.

• Many leaders are ill-equipped to deal with common employee relations issues, let alone deeper, systemic issues. This puts leaders in precarious positions to even be manipulated and abused themselves, which of course does not lend itself to being able to provide support for their employees. 

• Human Resources departments are structured for the protection of the organization and the status quo within it. If bullying and manipulative behavior are status quo, this is what will be maintained. Anyone working against this status quo will eventually be removed from the organization. In other words, speaking out against negative behaviors puts whistleblowers in positions to lose their jobs, versus punishing the actual offenders. We cannot effectively handle the problem of manipulative characters and poor culture if the ones perpetuating it are being protected.

The information I have learned over the years regarding human nature, communication, social behavior, and personalities has helped me begin to heal from negative experiences and have provided me with a foundation for making sense of those patterns I’d noticed all of those years. 

In other words- increasing my awareness and understanding was instrumental in me making progress within myself to make needed changes to thrive and survive. Understanding what is really happening- not what we're socialized into believing- is key to being able to dismantle toxic behaviors in the workplace, and key to maintaining your emotional and mental health.

The Undercover Workplace

For those of you who are new to my newsletter, I recommend reviewing this article for an understanding of the undercover workplace. Understanding how the undercover workplace works is the next step in deeply understanding this issue.

Briefly, the undercover workplace is the set of rules, behaviors and actions that exist that truly guide the culture of an organization. There are always a set of espoused values- those that are expressed externally that everyone is told to abide by. And then there are the unspoken, unwritten rules (that often contradict the expressed values and rules) that most people within organizations align to. We have to remember that our workplaces are microcosms of larger society- and, at least in American culture, the same (espoused versus actual; values) is true larger scale. 

We have a habit of trying to solve problems from the surface. And understandably so- we're taught to value things from the outside, that what we may see is all that matters, and that everything else to "too deep" or "unproveable".

So, the first thing we should think about doing is learning to identify what's under the surface, which is where most abusive people operate. Abusers are successful because:

• Their facade is believable to many people

• Many people only associate bullying and abuse with things that are physical and violently obvious

• They're good at coming up with alternate reasonings and explanations for their abusive behaviors (gaslighting)

• The "unseen" is unknowable to many people, leaving them to avoid it and only focus on what they know- the surface

• There are unspoken beliefs that there are some people who deserve mistreatment based on who they are, what group they belong to, not conforming, or simply because someone doesn't like them

• Victims are silenced by norms around "being the bigger person", "just fight back", and the scarcity mindset (if you don't get others out of the way, there is no room for you.) The latter apparently makes it ok to engage in abusive behaviors- as long as you get what you want

• They are great liars and chameleons, able to change who they are based on who they're around. Individuals will only have one perception of the person, and will believe them to behave the same with everyone else

• ...among many other reasons

What's Next?

The next article will dive more into specifics, but for now, let's digest this together. Quick fixes nor legislation are the solutions to this deeply rooted issue. We'll need to really break apart human and social behavior to uncover the methods by which abusers abuse- then dismantle and /or restrict their ability to use these tactics against others.

Unpack the above information, then ask yourself:

• Do I hold beliefs that may inadvertently make me complicit in someone else's abuse?

• What unspoken organizational practices make it easy for abusers and manipulators to function?

• What does our ideal state look like? What are we working toward?

I'm interested in your thoughts- do you think this is a solvable problem? Why or why not? Leave a comment and share your thoughts!

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Hi! I'm Nicole, an organizational consultant and personal coach, who is passionate about inspiring the changes our society needs for all to thrive. Using lessons learned from my own experiences and challenges, I hope to help people within organizations by creating mentally, socially, and emotionally healthy workplaces for all. Check out the other resources on this site for more ways to do just that!