This week, I posted a link to a conversation/interview I had with Dianne A. Allen, intuitive and creative mentor, discussing being bullied as a gifted adult in the workplace, and about finding our true selves through others' perceptions (watch it here). Listening back to the conversation and thinking of my past and current experiences in the workplace, I thought about how many of those negative experiences were with leaders, and also as a leader, and what factors might have been at play within those experiences.
As Dianne mentioned in our conversation, understanding those behaviors doesn't absolve people from accountability, but it does shed light on a pattern of behavior I've noticed, especially with female leaders. When leaders are insecure, their fear of being found out as incompetent drives them to behave in ways that create unsafe workplaces for their employees, and possibly for the larger organization.
Fear is a very real driver of behavior among managers and is something I think is worth dissecting and having a brief conversation about. Why are leaders fearful?
Fear and Management vs Leadership
Aside from a lucky few, many people have faced various traumas in their life and these traumas, along with the built-in beliefs and behaviors these traumas may cause, affect how we view ourselves, how we view and treat others, and how we approach our work. Despite their many responsibilities, leaders and managers are people, too- and their fear can come from a number of places:
fear of upsetting the status quo,
fear of what others will think of them,
fear of the unknown,
fear of being seen as incompetent and losing their status,
fear of employees who are brighter or more credentialed than themselves
Traditional organizational structures reinforce these fears, making them harder to identify, and thus harder to resolve. If you feel like your may be leading with fear, the article Leading From Fear is a great resource to start to self-evaluate where you may be as a leader. Some questions you can ask yourself to begin to self-evaluate are:
Which of the above fears do you have? Any others? How do you think these affect your work? Your employees? What changes can you make that will improve your self-confidence and relationships?
Being on the wrong side of a fearful leader can lead to all kinds of dysfunction, from being the target of their bullying and poor choices, to poor work management and team mistrust. (See my last article on how to deal with emotionally unhealthy coworkers for some tips to manage yourself in this type of environment.) Fear injects ineffectiveness into any leader's role, regardless of how competent or charismatic they may be. Aside from this, the behaviors that can arise from fear can jeopardize important relationships and the health of the organization. Moving from fear to empowerment is one way to address these issues head on and influence change.
What exactly is empowered leadership?
Empowered Leadership Strategies
To be an empowered leader means to lead with integrity, accountability, confidence, and humility. Instead of competing with your team and peers, you learn to be comfortable in your own skill set and what you have to contribute to your organization. Instead of operating from a scarcity mindset, you learn to understand that your role is not about authority or control over others, but rather about guiding and directing the work of others, along with guiding their development. Empowered leadership allows you to approach your work and relationships from a clear, objective space- giving you the best chance for the best outcomes for you, your team, and your organization.
In order to embrace empowered leadership, leaders can:
Build Self-Awareness and Self-Compassion: Before you can be compassionate to others, you will need to learn to show yourself the same compassion. As you put forth an honest effort to grow, understand you will have setbacks and blind spots. You are not invincible (although power may make some feel that way). Give yourself some room to make mistakes and learn to adjust as your grow.
Build Accountability: By building accountability, you can slowly release the fear of responsibility, and learn to own your thoughts, behaviors and actions in a way that empowers you to learn from your mistakes, rather than be ashamed of them. Becoming comfortable with accountability also frees you from fears of being seen as incompetent and losing your status, one of the biggest leadership fears people struggle with.
Identify and Work Through Insecurities: Lose the idea that you need to be the best at everything. You have a team of people for a reason, and it's OK if they have stronger abilities than you. Your role as a leader is to guide, coach, teach, mentor and empower your team to be their best selves- even if you perceive that to be "better than" you. Know your worth, what you have to offer, and become comfortable in that space. The confidence you gain will rub off on your team, and help build those necessary relationships you need to effectively influence others.
Communicate: When you are fearful, you often make assumptions that reinforce your fears. For example, if you fear conflict, you may make assumptions about someone you need to have a candid conversation with to justify avoiding the conversation. If you find yourself becoming fearful and making assumptions, communicate your feelings. This is hard at first but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Don't become your own worst enemy by making situations worse than what they may be.
Developing as a leader is a hefty undertaking, and very few of us get it 100% right, 100% of the time. Use your resources (leaders, peers, your teams, the internet) to help develop a self-development plan to get you where you want to be. Empowered leadership will look different for each of us, so be sure to ground yourself in who you are as you continue your journey.
Have you been a fearful leader? Why?
Have you worked for a fearful leader? What was your experience like?
Share your comments. thoughts, and suggestions in the comments!
Hi! I'm Nicole, an organizational consultant and personal coach, who is passionate about inspiring the changes our society needs for all to thrive. Using lessons learned from my own experiences and challenges, I hope to help people within organizations by creating mentally, socially, and emotionally healthy workplaces for all. Check out the other resources on this site for more ways to do just that!
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