October is ADHD awareness month, so it seems like a great time to reflect on the experiences of neurodivergent persons in the workplace.
Before I share my thoughts, I think it's important to be clear about where I stand as a neurodivergent person, since we all have different experiences based on diagnoses, experiences, support systems, etc.
My Neurodivergence Discovery Journey
As a kid, my kindergarten teacher suspected I had a learning disability because I was quiet and kept to myself (I played mostly by myself or read books during recess times). Unconvinced that I actually knew how to read, and purely based off her observations and pre-conceived notions about how 5-year-olds should behave, she pulled my mother into a meeting and suggested I be placed in special education.
My mother and I had had quite the complicated relationship, but in this case, she had my back. After the teacher went on and on about what she thought (keep in mind the teacher never really engaged with me up to this point; she avoided me most times- just like people do now, lol) my mother asked her the simplest of questions, "Have you actually tried talking to her at all?"
I'll never forget the look she (and the teacher's aide who was also present) had on their faces- as if this never occurred to them before. My mother went on to explain that I could read, and that even she wasn't sure how because she had never taught me. The teacher ran to grab a book and demanded I read it aloud. I did, and once I looked up from my book, I saw the gaping faces of my teachers, along with the very smug look of satisfaction from my mother.
After a series of other spontaneous tests also discovering I could do double digit math and that I actually spoke well for my age (when I actually did speak) they decided to instead refer me to the school psychologist for further testing, and out of that I was determined to be gifted. I went from being assumed to be mute and learning disabled to being known as an anomaly (in a weird, yet "positive" way). Since my mother was against me being pushed up two grades, citing social concerns (LOL- I can explain the irony here in another post) they decided to enrich me by sending me to first and second grade classes to teach those students how to read, which I actually loved- I've always been a natural teacher.
Fast forward through life, outside of school, my giftedness was not only forgotten but pushed aside intentionally, as to not upset anyone or come off as "being better than" anyone (also laughable, because people see this in you no matter how much you try to dim your light- and not that you should). No one (mother included) missed an opportunity to "bring me back down to size" by belittling me, ignoring my accomplishments, and emotionally abandoning me (spoiler: this continues to happen in the workplace).
I learned to associate hatred and abuse with accomplishment, and to this day have a very hard time with anyone celebrating or complimenting me- it just never feels genuine. And, with all of this in my past, I headed into the world of the modern workplace and whoa- what a ride it's been. Traumatic experiences in the workplace led me to break out my shovel and dig deep inside to discover "what was wrong with me" in an effort to stop having the same experiences on repeat (spoiler: that didn't work).
After breaking free of abusive relatives and cutting toxic fake friends and others out of my life who took advantage of my inherent naivety, my personal development journey led me to discover the neurodivergent community. Through reading others' experiences and seeing myself in so many of them, I finally learned the entirety of what it means to be gifted (no, it's not all sunshine and elitism), self-diagnosed ADHD and finally realize nothing is wrong with me -it's actually quite the opposite.
Neurodiversity at Work
Just as with neurotypical (a.k.a. "normal") people, no two neurodivergent persons will have the exact same experiences or perceptions. So, my analysis here is subjective and based on my own experiences, research, and accounts of others.
For many of us, the workplace can feel like a continuation of school, for many reasons:
The social issues present during the school years (exclusion, smear campaigns, being misunderstood, bullying, etc.) do not subside in the workplace and often can be worse, due to scarcity mindsets, misunderstanding, and the competitive nature of the workplace. For some, people are continuously intimidated by you just showing up as yourself. For others, your presence makes them uncomfortable, as they have not taken the time to learn about any other types of people other than those like themselves.
The hierarchy and social system within the workplace closely resemble that which we find in our schools- we have to perform, we have to have approval of our peers and managers, we have to follow dress codes in many cases, corporate jargon and "professional" speak are required, no one can stand out too much or too little, etc.
The demand to be something you're not just to be seen as successful, provide for your family, and/or maintain gainful employment is heavy. Your advanced skills and knowledge are ignored or thought to mean less than your social status, which automatically puts you at a disadvantage, no matter how much education or knowledge you have. So, the workplace can feel like a means to no end.
The lack of support from our teachers (in the workplace our managers) because of social expectations can put neurodivergent employees at even greater risk to be bullied, ignored, or stalled in their careers. Lack of support for something other than social reasons tends to happen because many leaders are not educated on how to assign projects or tasks suited to the many strengths of neurodivergent employees, or on how to provide the best learning environment for anyone outside the norm.
The barrier that many neurodivergent candidates face in the recruitment and selection process before even arriving in the workplace is significant. A quick Google search shows that the unemployment rate for neurodivergent persons is 30-40% - three times the number of disabled persons and eight times the rate of persons without a disability. (Source: The Center for Neurodiversity and Employment | Werth Institute for Entrepreneurship and Innovation (uconn.edu)). So, we're often excluded before we even have a chance to prove ourselves.
For these reasons, and many others, neurodivergent persons tend to continue to face the same or similar obstacles as were present in our childhood. With so many other things to worry about, we often can't just come to work and only focus on our tasks. We can't expect meritocracy to work for us since, truthfully, I don't believe it really exists for anyone. We can't expect that, if we just buckle down and do our job, that we'll be well-received and supported.
Every interaction has the potential to go left, and often because of things we don't quite understand, or even realize we've done or said. At times, we are targeted simply for existing in a space where no one wants to know or respect us for who we are, based on our differences. Being attacked, bullied, sabotaged, and ridiculed for simply existing isn't fun- and yet we are further ridiculed if we become reclusive, stop saying much, hold back, or keep our distance. I used to ask myself, "What exactly is the expectation? That you mistreat me so much that I change? That I should keep showing up and giving my best to people who can't, or don't want to, appreciate it?"
Do you have similar expectations of people you perceive as different?
Moving Forward
The thinking that tells us there is only one right way to exist is flawed. Instead of focusing on muting differences and only focusing on similarities, we need to shift our thinking to accepting people as whole and complete individuals. It's interesting that this sentiment seems to be valid only if individuals still fit within defined norms, and of course this negates the original point. We do not need to understand one another in order to be respectful and give space to others to be their whole self.
For example, here in Philly there is someone who walks around in an Elmo costume doing various things to entertain and bring joy to others. Some people may consider that weird but- are they harming anyone? Do I have to understand why they do it? No- I can either smile and join in the fun or turn away and give them space to engage with others (by the way, I enjoy seeing them. They're awesome.) It really is just that simple.
I don't have to start a 'hate Philly Elmo' smear campaign, I don't need to sabotage their efforts, I don't need to get others onboard with hating them if I did. If others' differences offend us, that is a signal for us to look inside to understand ourselves more- what causes our discomfort or hatred of someone? Why do we feel they should exist any differently, simply because we don't like or understand them?
Not all neurodivergent people are comfortable self-disclosing in the workplace, so you may not always- or ever- know for certain if your colleague is neurodivergent. With this in mind, if you work with people who don't fit the mold, have differing needs, think differently or even look differently, think twice about what you may have been taught about difference. If you prefer not to be curious, engage and potentially make a new friend, at the very least, give that person space to be themselves- without judging them as bad, without rallying the troops against them and without the belief that only one of you is right.
How can you help to shift the paradigm on difference at work? At home? At school?
Let me know in the comments below!
Hi! I'm Nicole, an organizational consultant and personal coach, who is passionate about inspiring the changes our society needs for all to thrive. Using lessons learned from my own experiences and challenges, I hope to help people within organizations by creating mentally, socially, and emotionally healthy workplaces for all. Check out the other resources on this site for more ways to do just that!
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