My (unscientific) definition of shady managers are managers who are aware of bad behavior and mistreatment on their teams or in the company and turn a blind eye to those behaviors. Or a passive manager that can be blissfully unaware of what's happening, and also have no desire to be "mixed up" in the managing of people-related issues (so, you already see the problem here, right?). And let's not forget- the shady manger can be the bully themselves, perpetuating fear and exuding incompetence everywhere they go.
Shady managers distance themselves as much as possible from perceived "people" issues- and this is most often a protective mechanism. They have never learned proper leadership and influencing skills, so they attempt to "lead" by only focusing on the parts of the job they feel most confident with, while woefully ignoring all other expectations of their role. They want to protect their work, reputation, relationships, and/or status, and unfortunately the mental health of their employees is not worth the risk for these types.
What are some signs your supervisor or manager might be a shady manager? Think about if you've ever experienced the following:
They "switch up" on you- They start out your biggest fan, then all of a sudden, their demeanor towards you changes.
Their words and actions do not match- They say one thing and do another. They never back up what they say and seem to be more interested in image control and placating you (and others) than actually building a relationship and leading you. They are a slave to workplace politics, and if you find yourself on the wrong side of that for any reason, this type of manager will follow suit and begin treating you unfairly (without justification of looking into things themselves).
They treat you differently one-on-one than in a group setting- Related to the last one, they sometimes say things one-on-one with you, then switch their entire approach/opinion when in front of others. They seem afraid to go against the grain, or even to simply just stand up for what's right. If the group feels negatively towards you, the passive manager will just go along to get along (even if they really don't feel negatively towards you themselves).
They gossip and complain about everyone else to you- If they are comfortable throwing others under the bus every chance they get, then they are not trustworthy- so don't expect them to have your back either.
They place the blame and responsibility to rectify situations back onto you- If you happen to bring the negative behaviors of others to the attention of your shady manager, they will immediately play the "I'll let the two of your resolve things" game. In my own experience, as well as reading and responding to comments here on LinkedIn, I've seen so many managers duck and dodge people management responsibilities ("I don't want to hand-hold people", "People should learn X on their own- I had to...", "Why can't these adults handle their own problems?", etc.).If someone feels this way, then I must ask why they pursued leadership in the first place. This may sound harsh, but- if I have to train myself, have no support and can't trust you, you are useless as a manager to me. If you are unable to provide an optimal environment for all people to thrive, which includes providing guidance, expertise and being able to manage and influence group dynamics, then managing others isn't your calling. Simple.
You frequently catch them lying to you- In the course of any given conversation, you will notice inconsistencies. If you call them out on it, they will continue to dance and never land on direct responses. They are avoiding accountability from something or protecting their ego - and there is very little you can do to make them less defensive. They could be experiencing direct bullying themselves, they could be conflict-avoidant or be operating out of fear based on the organizational culture. Holding them accountable will likely cause them to double-down on their behaviors. So then, what can you do?
How to Protect Yourself
Alrighty then- let's get right to it:
Understand the game: If you've been a loyal subscriber to Paradigm Shifts (thank you :)) you will have noticed a pattern within my articles- the goal here is the pull the blankets off of undercover workplace shenanigans so that you can properly equip yourself with tools and tips to protect your mental, social, and emotional health. With that being said, having a full understanding of the behaviors and mindsets behind the people you potentially work with is a great defense against workplace burnout and emotional harm. Negative people like bullies tend to cause confusion and chaos wherever they go- and if you're unprepared to deal with it, you are setting yourself up to be taken along for the ride. Don't be so easily persuaded by surface-level smiles and fakery. If you notice any of the signs above (or additional ones), know that your manager is simply not equipped to manage you to your expectations. Take it for what it is and let go of any expectations for better.
Documenting: I mentioned in a prior article that I have a love/hate relationship with documenting others' behavior. On the one hand, it's good to keep records for a variety of reasons, including if you decide to pursue legal action. On the other hand, the emotional labor needed to continuously document others' behavior is unfair and tedious. The bully should be accountable for recognizing and documenting their own behavior- victims should not be victimized further by being accountable for both themselves and the bully. However, I know my opinion is an unpopular one, so in the land of the law, document if you like, in whatever way makes sense for you.
Understanding what you do want/need, and also what you don't: What are you at your job to accomplish? What are your basic needs? Are they non-negotiables? If those basic needs are not being met, it may be time to move on. Or you can consider if there is another manager that can help mentor you, or other coworkers you can lean on for support. Also consider what you don't want- in other words, what are your boundaries? Do you have effective ways of communicating them? Have you?
Lower your expectations: Once you understand how your manager functions, lower your expectations. This doesn't mean you shouldn't hold them accountable when necessary; this is more of a tip to keep you mentally stable and in control. As I mentioned earlier, someone who is passive and wishy-washy causes confusion constantly, which can cause you to lose your grounding. Years ago, I had a manager give me this advice- to treat people like children. On the surface this sounds condescending, and I struggled then (in my mid-20s) to understand what she meant. It finally made sense to me years later as I matured: children (generally) have limited capacity- not because they are defective, but because they are at a certain level of emotional, social, mental, and intellectual development. For example, you wouldn't hold your 3-year-old to the same standards as your 14-year-old. So, we must do the same with the adults we work with- again, not from a place of negative judgement or elitism, but from an understanding of the capacity of the person you are dealing with. This will prevent you from developing resentment and other negative feelings in the workplace, which allows you to keep a clear head and maintain consistent performance.
It can be demotivating to work with a manager you can't trust, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you are lucky enough to have other colleagues you can trust, be sure to network and build relationships with them to make sure you are not isolated. If you work in a thoroughly toxic environment, find trusted others outside of the organization to support you and your needs (find a mentor, join groups with like-minded people, etc.)
Understand that no one in the organization is to be trusted, so be very careful and never divulge personal information beyond basic social niceties. Remember, most companies see employees as replaceable, so don't compromise your mental or emotional health - for any position.
What else would you add? Add your tips to the comments!
Hi! I'm Nicole, an organizational consultant and personal coach, who is passionate about inspiring the changes our society needs for all to thrive. Using lessons learned from my own experiences and challenges, I hope to help people within organizations by creating mentally, socially, and emotionally healthy workplaces for all. Check out the other resources on this site for more ways to do just that!
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